22 Mar 2010
Games Over
After what seems like a lifetime of preparation and anticipation the Vancouver Olympics have come and gone. It’s all over. Sure, there will be Olympic Team gatherings and debriefings, but the Olympic competition and celebrations will only continue in memories. It’s been a few weeks since the closing ceremonies and I’m starting to get rid of this Olympic Hangover. It was an amazing and rewarding experience being part of the 2010 Canada Olympic Team that was the best Canadian Olympic Team ever. I’m sad that Nordic Combined couldn’t contribute to the podium or top 8 mission of the Canada Olympic Team, but I assure you that I did my best and wanted it just as much as anybody that may have a medal around their neck.
In previous years I found myself counting down the races until the end of the season. However, since my comeback in November 2008 I found that I was doing what I wanted to do more than anything in the world. I truly enjoyed pushing myself to the limit in each and every training and competition. Whether I was performing above or below my potential I took pride in the battle against myself. Similar to every interval and pace workout I did for the last year the Olympics was a complete battle against myself. I knew my competition would bring their “A Game” and knowing that I was one of the lower qualified athletes I would have to bring my “A Game” and then some.
My mediocre jumping was close to as good as I had performed in competition all year. However, in my mind I was still dreaming that I would miraculously breakthrough and at least get a little help from the wind gods. I think they call this “hope” and I would never give up hope. I believe that you get a green light to start your jump for a reason. Despite my hope and belief, this wasn’t the case and the low inrun speed and my high body weight made the concept of competing against the best in the world even more challenging. In turn, I had to start a cross country race in a mindset that I had never experienced. I wanted to be anywhere, absolutely anywhere, other than where I was. I was on the start line for a cross country race at the Olympics and I was so disappointed with myself that I would have rather been anywhere else rather than face the embarrassment of skiing that course in front of my family and friends, and thousands of people who didn’t know that I was a better athlete than that.
I found the power to push myself from the start . . . barely. I continued to ski the first lap of the race at my own pace, kind of pouting and feeling sorry for myself. I was unsure of my body after the failure at the previous race 10 days before. There were thousands of people cheering me on, but I swear I heard nothing.
I had at least a dozen different conversations going on in my head until one prevailed at about the 3km point of a 10km race. That voice reminded me that I was there in that moment and the past was the past. I was aware of the challenges of my own journey and any performance expectations cam from within. So, with thousands of people at my side it was, once again, me versus myself. I quickly found some rhythm and although it wasn’t the speed of some of my better races, it was everything I had on this day and I was determined to leave it all on that course. I overcame whatever negative thoughts persisted in my mind and proudly pushed forward toward the finish line.
I don’t believe that one necessarily feels stressed when they are stressed. I had everything I needed at the Olympics. Everything that hadn’t been there in the past was definitely there in the present. I had great sponsors, equipment, coaching support, family, friends, fans, food, and doctors-everything I could imagine. I felt extremely relaxed and comfortable being a part of the larger Canada Olympic Team. I completely rejected the idea that I could have been stressed, that is until I crossed that finish line. The floodgates opened and I felt alive again. Somehow, I managed to find a smile despite finishing a good 45 steps away from the top of the podium. I had felt like a walking zombie for much of the preceding month and now had suddenly been injected with some energizer bunny. I really wish that I could have focused on my enjoyment of performing rather than the self-created expectations of results, but that is a learning lesson for the bigger picture of life.
I was at the Olympics because I had worked extremely hard and overcome many obstacles to qualify. The challenge is that once you meet one goal you set another. I was extremely proud to qualify for the Olympics, but once I achieved that I set a new goal of busting into the top 25. My failure to do so caused me great sadness. Albeit, I’m a competitive person and if I won the gold medal I’m sure that I wouldn’t be satisfied with my competition. There would always be something that I could have done better. Sometimes enough is never enough and often this attitude is what distinguishes the best athletes from the others.
Now that the Olympics are over I’m able to take advantage of extremely nice weather in Calgary. I’ve been loving the ability to mix up my activities, rather than succumbing to the tunnel vision of training for the Olympics. In the past 2 weeks I have been road cycling, curling, rock climbing, alpine skiing, badminton, a 30km xc race, running and hiking. I’ve played hockey five times, watched the Calgary Flames and done a ton of housekeeping. I’m so excited for what tomorrow may bring, but even more excited for today. Cheers.